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We will never ever be free as long as we keep taking.
Keep taking another’s life,
Mind
Time
Yours
Mine
As long as we keep taking land,
Seas
This world
For ME Me me.

We will never be free as long as we keep taking,
And these humans I write about,
In their own way,
Each as important as the other,
Gave willingly,
Their freedom to me.

The Freedom To Be

It’s extremely important I am aware.
Aware of inside,
As well as,
Outside.

It is also extremely important I direct focus on what will help,
What will bring me together,
Whole.

Integrity

This is,
I do believe,
Extremely important for you,
And me.

Whatever I focus on,
Will direct me.

So,
Although it is really challenging,
Dare I say hard,
Almost impossible for me to get out of bed these days,
I do and I will.

“Why Heat?”

Because,
Because I am doing my best,
More so now,
Than ever.

I am getting the way out of my way,
Her
I am shown time and time again,
This life ain’t about me.

This I also feel,
Will help bring this world closer.

FOCUS
On
Love.

BEGIN,
Deathless->

————>
I’m not sure what time it is.
I look out the window in the loft I’m in to see if I can make it out,
Time
Maybe the light or lack there of will tell me.

Instead of time I am shown light.
Never seen this kind,
Light
Illuminating,
I feel like I’m in a cloud.

Through glass windows,
All of them,
Three, Four, five,
A haze.

I feel strange,
I sit up.

Now sitting,
Arms around knees,
I’m awake,
I think?
I’m watching me,
And she’s seeing everything.

All of a sudden!
A beacon of light.
I can not even begin to describe the color of this sole beacon.
I watch light,
Observe,
Feel it,
As it glows watchfully gliding through.

My head moves along with beacon,
Soul
Beacon
Is growing bigger and bigger,
I hear something…

The Sound->Of Flight

Doves
White Doves

100’s of them,
Maybe 1000’s,
Fly in front of me.
Can you hear that?
“Swoosh, swoosh, soar.”

They are flying so fast,
But seem to be at a stand still.
It’s hard to describe,
Just like the color.
Just like that color.
Just like this color.

I can see their feathers,
Moving,
Up and down,
Each feather holds on to one another,
While birds just fly,
Together.
I can see their eyes.
Their eyes.
So small,
Yet light pours from.
I can see their beaks,
The form of their bodies,
I can see them perfectly now,
They are in front of me.

I can see
I can see

I watch while they fly from right window,
Pass middle,
Now left,
Coming ’round,
West
They head east.

I feel suspended in time,
Weightless,
As does the environment I’m in.
Everything seems super light,
But moving really fast,
And yet,
Still
All remains.

I watch theses birds,
In and out of Windows.
They are in the loft now,
But the human asleep,
Nor I,
Am disturbed by this light,
And all this,
Flight.

I hear myself,
Quietly inside,
“What is this?
Where are they going?
Am I here?
Where is this here?”

…”Swoosh, swoosh, soar.”
Sounds become louder
Louder
Louder
Loud.
“Swoosh, swoosh, soar.”
Sounds become quieter
Quieter
Quieter
Quiet.
As the light begins to dim,
Traveling perhaps,
With
I watch
In awe,
Them.

Birds

…And then they are gone

I sit still,
Look around with eyes wide.
I feel melancholic,
Excited
Confused
Wonder
Amazement
Sadness
Manic.

…But I also feel calm,
And free.
I feel joy
I feel Her
Him
Me

He

I think it’s about 6AM or so,
My friend Theandrew wakes up.
Maybe it’s 7.
All I know is I haven’t really slept on this couch and what just happened?
I came out to LA because I was spinning.
My mind,
Heart
The Dez has been healing,
But some reason,
Yesterday,
I came into LA to find heal.
Where is She?
He.

I tell Theandrew what happened.
He listens,
Like he always did.

Birds Of A Feather->Skins

I’ve got his black t-shirt on,
My hands ‘cross knees,
He listens as I describe to him the indescribable,
Light->Flight

…And the 100-1000’s,
Who just flew in and around his loft.

He smiles
Tears glide
His eyes
Meet mine
I look at him…

…I’m exhausted.
I want to fly.
I want to fly so fucking bad,
But I’m scared now,
Scared because of what happened,
Before I left Los Angeles.
Scared of what I have seen,
Or been shown,
And here I am with Him now,
Theandrew
The morning after He and me were on his roof.

My legs and his hung over the ledge night before,
My heart weighed a ton.
I wanted to jump,
From this world,
This life,
He knows why I’m here.
I don’t have to tell him why.

He knows me more than I do,
More than I think.
I could do that you know around Theandrew,
Think and not know.

Deathless
Love->Grows

Who knew I had to fly from the Dez to LA,
The place that gave me free range
The place I loved so much
The place I ran from…

..Who knew I had to fly back here,
Have someone hold my rope
Not even aware I was already flying
He had already cut me
Standing by
Free
As
A
Bird

He was there
Here
Never asking why
He knew
Knows
They all do
What it’s like
Just to be
Just to be
A life

Deathless

You and I
He and she
Him and Her
Me and We
Deathless ain’t less death
Less dying
Never ceasing
Justice
Be

——–>
I heard something the other day that went a little bit like this,
“Death ain’t the opposite of life, but of Birth.”

That really had(has)me.
I thought and thought and thought.

…And than I sat, still.

“Birth is the opposite of Death, not Life Heat.”

I wow(ed)
-That’s my other nickname BTW, Wow;)

Since being out in the Dez,
A number of lives are always around me,
Even though I may not see human skins.

Since March,
Three deaths have occurred,
Each very meaningful,
Different,
And each gave birth upon their death.

Death Creates

———->
Death is something I think about,
Ask questions,
Wonder,
But more importantly,
I feel Death.
What once used to scare me,
Death
Scare and overwhelm me to points of no returns,
My own,
Deaths
Were because not only can I feel Death,
I can see Death.

I can see Death

Most usually,
Death seen has been from lives long ago.
I have channeled this fear,
Renamed it,
Seeing
Awareness,
Into depictions and writing.
Even the photography now,
I am not afraid anymore,
Just pretty exhausted.

Death

I wrote here a day in July of last year,
DEATH
“In death, I am shown love”

That’s been more evident in these past year-s-so much so,
Sometimes I ask Death to chill for a while,
So I may experience love without it.

But Death is strange,
Death will show me Love,
While Birth holds hands.
Looking back to me,
Extending palms…

“It’s okay to fly.”
-Death and Birth

———->
Immortality and Mortality are also strange.
Sometimes I feel I have lived forever and so many lives!
Other times,
I feel like I don’t have enough time and I am not doing enough with my life,
And when I die,
I will be left with the “Whys” and the
“Ooooooh time flys.”

…If Death is the opposite of Birth,
Perhaps Hate is the opposite of Life.

For me,
I feel alive
Life
When I shine
When others shine
When I think
When others think
And when we all,
Breathe.

Throughout my life,
The times I felt soulless,
Hate wasn’t necessarily directed at others(although I have experienced homicidal thoughts and those will be spoken about in another entry)
Hate was point-blank,
Close range
Directed towards,
Me.

The Target Draws The Arrow

That feeling,
The feeling of not feeling what I was feeling,
The not feeling feeling,
And the hurt,
Sadness
Anger
Paranoia
Fear
Confusion
Feelings,
Felt like I was dying.
That’s why you may hear me say…

“In a life once lived, was just a way.”

…And you know what?
How can death feel awful if I am to be full of life?

That’s why Deathless means,
Less dying
More free.

See?

———->
Hate is a powerful word.
Mind you,
Words are one of the most destructive forces in the world.
Death.
But words are also,
Life.

Birth

Words play one of the most important roles in this world,
Inside and out.
“Wow, Why Heat?”

Well,
Words can kill
Words can feel
Words can breathe
Words can sing
Words can love
Words can hate
Words are important
Words I speak

…And words I listen to.

Hear->Beaks

A few years back I broke words down and inevitably,
This Lil light broke down right beside.

Words can be tricky ya know?
Notice how I said can and not are?
Yup.
Words CAN be tricky.

———>
“Heat! Focus! Where are you going with this??”
It’s okay,
Imagine a circle.

Sum

When people speak to me,
Or with me,
I am constantly filtrating.
I replace We with I
Us with I
Our with I …
You get the point.

The reason for this is due to games words like to play,
And sometimes,
The player,
Is seemingly unaware to the word,
Game.

It’s a pretty lonely existence when connecting the dots,
Seeing through,
Filtrating systems
Red
White
Blue
Me
And
You

I don’t have it easier now,
But I do practice a lot of ways that help me with words,
And when I received the news of another life,
Another word
Love
Gone from “this” world,
I wanted to go to the tallest roof,
Highest mountain,
I wanted to put his shirt on and fly,
But I couldn’t even get off the ground.

Soar

———–>
You see,
This human never questioned me,
Nor was his love masked in conditions.
I never had to see through his words,
I saw through him.
Transparency
I have learned,
Is one of the brightest colors.

Theandrew along with Dave along with Rowena,
Were humans who accepted me,
No matter what,
And although each of our friendships were super different from the other,
Much like the -3-> of them personally,
They each have a huge role in this little light,
Of mine.

Shine

Some say at birth we are dying,
But if I choose to see life as only death,
Dying will always be whispering.

If I choose to see Death and Birth->
Working together,
Life
Words
Creation
Worlds
Love

…I remember->
Deathless ain’t less Death,
Deathless means,
You never die.

Some people are like that.
These humans are like that.
They never die.
They ain’t dead.
Death may have dealt it’s card,
But the life?
The life lives and gives birth…

“Always A Circular Motion.”
-Theandrew Clayborn
-LOVE->

Dying and Death are different,
Just as,
killing
Killed
Kill

But wanna know something?
You and I know nothing,
It’s what we feel,
Inside,
Allowing us connection to the only one thing I know for sure,
Life.

Dao->Source

————->
I’m sitting here,
In the woods.
On one of the tallest mountains I have sat on.
In front of me,
A table with lamp,
Feathers
A painting,
Table with trunks for chairs,
Death
Creating
Birth

…A horse
A flag
Journals
Notebooks
Sketchbook
Theandrew

I am looking at table from sofa,
Where I sit,
Next to a sleeping pup,
And a sleeping crow.
Point blank,
A photo of Theandrew I took some years ago,
Stares at me.

Lives Lived

I remember everything about that day.
The temperature
Environment
The uneasiness I had
And him…

I remember his presence
His look
His eyes
His stance
His words
His being

…I remember the time he gave,
Valuable time is you know?
I remember him giving his heart,
When after some years I had all but lost mine.

Fly Soar Fly

But you know what I remember the most about Him?
The most about them?

I remember
I remember

…That feeling.

“This feeling I remember
Tears pour
This feeling is Love
And Love
Love is what takes flight
Makes us
Soar”

———->
Make sure you appreciate the ones holding your rope.
Sometimes you don’t even know,
Until you fly.

Cut the rope
Tethered lives
Birds of a feather
Live forever
Will always be here
Never leave
Always
Always
By your side

I miss Him,
Theandrew.
I miss Him so much I can’t look at fotos of Him for very long,
And every time I see a foto where He was behind me,
Observing The Observer
I remember His love.
I hear Him,
“Hello Miss Heather.”
I hear Him listening to my heart.
I hear hours upon hours of meaningful language.
I hear Him->I hear you Love-power->

I miss Dave.
I see how so many hearts have broken since He passed.
I hear Him,
“Hey heat, how ya doin?”
No judgements
Genuine wonderment.
The mind needs to wonder you know?
I think He already knew.
I know you did.

…And I miss Rowena.
I miss feeling useful and curious when around Her.
I miss walking Her pup,
And I miss Her mind,
Your glorious mind.

I hear them all because I feel them.
I feel you.
I’m glad I can feel,
I will never get tired of saying,
“Feeling is a gift.”

Life is a gift->
Use it
Work for it
Learn from it
Inspire it
Encourage it
Influence it
Live it
Help it

Sit.With.It.

When I sit
I hear the birds
Deathless
Sings
Flying
Never unheard.

xx
-h->

Love-power->
Show Me Love

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